Last for a while....

I think this will be my last post for a while. We went for our IVF consultation and we were planning on going thru with it and refinancing our car to pay for it. Then the doctor told Tanner that if you have no insurance, a hospital charges 15 to 20k dollars just to deliver the baby. So on our way home he said there is no way we can come up with 30 to 40k dollars. I told him that a hospital is not going to make us pay that all up front the day we deliver. (I have checked into it and as long as you set a payment plan with them, they are happy). But he is too afraid to live in debt. He refuses to live in debt or paycheck to paycheck. So, he told me that we will be waiting for 3 to 5 years to have our first. Which will put us well into our 30's. I am so depressed. I can barely look at anything baby related. I refuse to read any more blogs or post on theknot board anymore just because it only hurts me more. I am just so mad that my taxes pay for all these women on welfare to have babies but because I can't come up w/ that kind of money right now, I can't have them. Life is soooo unfair. Oh well, I guess now I can get real aggressive w/ my weight loss and I am going to start vacationing w/ my family again. (I stopped because Tanner wont fly and didn't want me to go with out him.) If he isn't willing to do for me, I am not holding back anymore for him. So anyways, this maybe my last post for a little while. I may come back and post when I get really down and need some where to vent since he says I am not allowed to bring it up anymore until a year from now and I have no one else to talk to. Let me tell ya, I am going to end up living a very sad life. To top it off, we are fighting over this so bad that we are not sleeping in the same bedroom, we are not speaking to one another, and he told me it will be his way or he will be giving me divorce papers. Yeah, I have a very selfish husband but what can you do when that is who you love. Well, I better go. Check in now and then but remember they may not be too many things new in here.