Last for a while....

I think this will be my last post for a while. We went for our IVF consultation and we were planning on going thru with it and refinancing our car to pay for it. Then the doctor told Tanner that if you have no insurance, a hospital charges 15 to 20k dollars just to deliver the baby. So on our way home he said there is no way we can come up with 30 to 40k dollars. I told him that a hospital is not going to make us pay that all up front the day we deliver. (I have checked into it and as long as you set a payment plan with them, they are happy). But he is too afraid to live in debt. He refuses to live in debt or paycheck to paycheck. So, he told me that we will be waiting for 3 to 5 years to have our first. Which will put us well into our 30's. I am so depressed. I can barely look at anything baby related. I refuse to read any more blogs or post on theknot board anymore just because it only hurts me more. I am just so mad that my taxes pay for all these women on welfare to have babies but because I can't come up w/ that kind of money right now, I can't have them. Life is soooo unfair. Oh well, I guess now I can get real aggressive w/ my weight loss and I am going to start vacationing w/ my family again. (I stopped because Tanner wont fly and didn't want me to go with out him.) If he isn't willing to do for me, I am not holding back anymore for him. So anyways, this maybe my last post for a little while. I may come back and post when I get really down and need some where to vent since he says I am not allowed to bring it up anymore until a year from now and I have no one else to talk to. Let me tell ya, I am going to end up living a very sad life. To top it off, we are fighting over this so bad that we are not sleeping in the same bedroom, we are not speaking to one another, and he told me it will be his way or he will be giving me divorce papers. Yeah, I have a very selfish husband but what can you do when that is who you love. Well, I better go. Check in now and then but remember they may not be too many things new in here.

Talk About Quick....

We were told that for the most part, trying to get into a RE for our IVF was going to take atleast a month just to get the consult. So, I called the lady in Geneva today about a consultation and we go in next Monday. I am very excited. I take it that means that hopefully we will be able to get started right away. I don't know what all IVF entails, but I do know from what I have heard that we have to do 3 weeks of birth control. But I don't know if they will make me have a period first and then the bc pills or if I do it all at about the same time. Ohhh, so excited yet so many questions. I will just have to be patient until we meet with him. Yeah!

Not So Great News....

We had an appointment yesterday to do an ultrasound and check my follicle size. Well a week ago they were measuring about 9mm. This week most of them still measured 9mm. The biggest was 11mm. So the doctor came in and told us there is nothing more he can do for us. My body does not respond to the clomid and it does respond a little to the injections but not enough to release an egg on my own. Everything else is in perfect shape. So, we are going to be starting IVF. We call a doctor in Crystal Lake on Monday to set up a consultation and go from there. My doctor said the plus was that I have a lot of eggs and they develop great and I have a great uterus so our IVF should (knock on wood) work the first time and he said most likely because everything else is so good, we should have multiples. That would be awesome. Ofcourse he wont back his words on that because there is a chance that if we put two or three embryo's in they wont all take. I talked to Tanner and I think we are going to put three in and pray that 2 take so that we don't have to do this again. But if we do ever decide to do it again, it is not too expensive to freeze the remaining embryo's. I am excited and scared all in one. Mainly because to do this we will have to drain our savings and probably take a loan out for $10,000. OUCH. But, we will get through it and in the end I know it will be so worth it. I just want to get things started because right now it is all that consumes my mind.

Finally, I update.

I am ready to start finally blogging. I really don't have too much to talk about right now but I did have a doctor appointment last Friday. We had an ultrasound done to check my follicles so I could start injections to stimulate. Well, my follicles only measured at 9mm. So I go back tomorrow for another ultrasound. Hopefully this time they will measure at least 18. If not, 2 more cycles of this but more aggressive injections and then we move onto IVF. I just so badly want time to fly and get on with this but at the same time, I want the summer months to stand still. I have been having a tough time lately. It's like this whole infertility thing is consuming me. But I am told that is normal. Well, my supper is almost done so I need to be going, so I will update tomorrow with how the doctor appointment goes.